If you spend any amount of time on facebook or pinterest, you likely saw the someecards card that reads “Black Friday:  Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.” Though I chuckled when I first read it, I was immediately struck with how sadly true it is.  With more and more stores opening their doors and offering deals on Thanksgiving Day itself, many family gatherings are cut shorter and shorter, and I think it’s easy for our focus to shift from gratitude to a game plan for getting the best deals.

As a bit of background, I was raised in a family that (I now realize) was very deliberate in teaching my brother and I to be grateful, and even before I became a mom, I knew that I wanted to raise grateful kids.  There are few things as disappointing (and, if I may be so bold, annoying) as interacting with a truly ungrateful person.  Prior to having kids (oh, isn’t everything so clear and black and white before the theoretical children arrive in the flesh!) I thought this was a no-brainer and would be something my kids would just naturally pick up on.  Having been a mom for five years now, I have been somewhat surprised to find that this hasn’t always been the case.  It has been a much more intentional task than I ever could have imagined.  A favorite moment occurred when telling my then three-year-old, who was whining about the color fork she received at lunch. “Mary, you need to be happy with what I give you.  There are some kids in the world who don’t even have forks.”  After pausing for a few seconds, she gave me a quizzical look and asked, “They just have spoons?”  And just when I think they’re getting it, a giant piece of humble pie will remind me that we’re all a work in progress.

There have been a few things that we do as a family to try to deliberately foster a spirit of gratitude, though.  I’d like to share them, in case you find yourself struggling to come up with tangible ways to teach gratitude to little ones.  One of the very first things I noticed when starting to instill this value in our kids was that I,  myself, was often ungrateful for the many blessings in our life.  Isn’t motherhood just a giant mirror sometimes?  I would be frustrated that our kids were being so ungrateful and then realize I was not being grateful.

So, first and foremost, we count our blessings.  Literally.  I have a journal that I list mine out in and try to write down at least a couple each day.  If I find myself in a funk, it’s often because I haven’t been conscientiously doing this.  At lunch each day I try to remember to ask the kids what they’re thankful for.  We write their answers on brightly colored mini post-its and stick them to our patio door.  It is a colorful reminder of just how blessed we are.

Second, we write (or draw, in the case of my three-year-old) thank you notes for all kinds of things- certainly when we receive a gift or thoughtful gesture (such as someone bringing us a meal), but also for small things- like to the garbage man for always honking his horn.  There’s something about receiving a real, handwritten thank-you note, especially in our digital age, that has the power to brighten someone’s day.

Third, (and this is the most difficult) we truly try to not complain, even when we may feel we have every “right” to do so.  Because the reality is that there is always someone who is suffering more, who is more alone, who has far less than we do, and who is less appreciated.  If we find ourselves complaining, we try to consciously think of and pray for those people.  It doesn’t take much for perspective to kick in and remind us just how blessed we are.

One thing that I found fascinating as I started to look online for ways to foster gratitude, both in little ones and in myself, was that there are many many studies showing that people who are “actively grateful,” doing activities such as keeping gratitude lists, writing thank you cards, etc, are usually happier and more satisfied with their lives, having better attitudes and more energy. This has been so true in our own lives, and it has been fun to see the fruit from this shift in our attitudes.  It has really become a lifestyle, and we have gone from being grateful for each other, our house, and our health, to also being grateful that only one child needed something in the middle of the night, and that Menards had drinking glasses on an unadvertised sale for $6.00.  (How random!)  I have started to take note of all of the little blessings in our lives, which has in turn made gratitude easier both to practice and to teach.  Most of all, it has increased our joy in such a tangible way that I pray we never lose our focus of gratitude.  Pick one way to foster gratitude with your family today and watch how joy floods into your house!