This morning when I woke up, our house was a brisk 64 degrees, and I got almost giddy remembering that fall is right around the corner.  There are so many things I love about fall- the leaves changing, the cooler weather, layering clothes, apples, pumpkins…the list goes on.  As a former teacher and current homeschooling mom, by far my favorite part of fall is starting school again.  New school supplies, new lessons, new classes and friends, and just the freshness of it all; there is nothing quite like starting a new school year.  However, as any student or parent knows, there is also an increased amount of business and craziness that is par for the course that first month or two.  Being homeschoolers, we are able to control the chaos slightly more, but it is busy nonetheless.
Those of you who have been reading my posts for a while here know that craziness is no stranger to our household even on the best of days and the most organized of times.  The very act of keeping four little people fed, clothed, and occupied leaves little room for much else.  Of course we love it, and the blessings outweigh the burdens by leaps and bounds, but the fact remains that this season of life is very, very hectic.  We’ve recently had a few added circumstances that seem to have amped up the crazy, including tiling our entryway (which might as well have been achieving world piece with four little people), getting ready to stain our 1000+ square foot double layer deck (the former owners must have been some SERIOUS entertainers), and re-tarring the driveway at our rental house.
So, in light of all of this, I was confessing to a priest about my lack of a prayer life lately and how much I have been struggling just to stay afloat.  In a moment of pure grace, his wisdom was life changing.  He began by noting that our plates are very full right now and told me to remember to go easy on myself.  He said that things may not look pretty, and while the to-do list is often (always) unfinished, I will be given the grace to get done what needs to get done.  The two pieces that stood out to me so much were one, to go easy on myself, and two, that it may not look pretty.  I left and continued pondering those things on the way home.
The first point, to go on easy on myself, is something I’ve struggled with more and more with each child we have.  I was recently at a friend’s house, and the friend started apologizing for the lived-in state of her house.  I literally laughed and told her she was in good company, as trying to keep an area clean while there are four, five, six, etc. kids playing in it could be a great definition of insanity.  It is simply pointless, like brushing your teeth while you’re eating dinner.  I have finally, four kids later, started to let that one go a bit, but it is always a struggle, as there is a very fine line between “we’ve been playing” and “a tornado blew through here.”  After my friend apologized, I wondered silently why we as moms feel we need to apologize, particularly with other moms who are in very similar stages of life.  I might want to explain to my empty-nest neighbor why every stuffed animal in our house is having a lego/magna-tile/k’nex building party in my living room, but any mom with kids will know that my kids are simply being kids.  My amazingly understanding husband comes home and understands as well- there are only so many hours in a day.  So why do we do it?  Why do we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves or feel the need to apologize for our kid-friendly homes?
I think the answer lies at least partially in the second point that spoke so loudly to me.  “It may not look pretty.”  If I am honest with myself, I want our life to be pretty.  I want well-rounded meals on our tables each evening, with clean kids eating and chatting quietly about their day, while around me our Martha Stewart living room sparkles and smells of lemons, when in reality, it is a win if my kids or I have remembered to wash their hands, there has only been one milk spill, and the main floor is relatively tidied up.  This is becoming easier as my kids get older, but I still struggle with unrealistic expectations for this stage in our life.  I think this is partially from being a product of our media-saturated/pinterest culture, but partially from not wanting to descend into total chaos.  It’s a definite work in progress.
I also think a small part of it comes from living in a culture of death that emphasizes comfort and control.  From the time we are born, our culture inundates us with the message that life should be comfortable, and if it isn’t, whatever is making it uncomfortable should be changed or disposed of as soon as possible to allow us to be comfortable once again.  Being open to life and a large family if one is called to that is many things, including beautiful and wonderful, but I would argue it is far from comfortable and controlled, at least in the early years.  Kids are amazing and fantastic, but they can also be messy, opinionated dictators!  As my husband likes to say, “It’s a controlled chaos.”
So as our rascals head back to school, whether that’s on a bus or at the kitchen table, I would encourage other moms to go easy on themselves.  Remember that we’re all doing the best we can for our kids, and there are days when that will mean mac and cheese for dinner.  Not only will the kids be fine, but you’ll be mom-of-the-year in their eyes.  Happy back to school!