The Art of Slowing Down

Amazon recently ran a special discounting their prime membership for a year.  Knowing that Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood is on it, I jumped on the good deal as a fallback for surviving the next two months of pregnancy/winter with four feral-like kids that would live outside if I let them.  That afternoon, I started a random episode for the oldest three, only to have them proclaim, “This is boring!  Can we watch Pinky Dinky Doo?” about three minutes in.  I was horrified and joked on my Facebook page that this was a parenting failure I was determined to remedy, beginning with the famous crayon-making episode.
I am proud to say that, almost a week later, they asked to watch the follow-up episode to see who won the drawing contest King Friday started in the crayon episode.  But during this past week, I’ve given a lot of thought (probably too much; my pregnant brain is either shut down or on overload these days) as to why on earth they could have found a show boring that most of my generation grew up loving.  The thing I came up with was that they couldn’t handle the slow, mellow pace and temperament of Mr. Rogers and his neighborhood.  They weren’t “flashy” enough, if you will.
Holding a degree in Elementary Education and psychology, I have always prided myself on having a good grasp on the workings and needs of kids.  While it may seem that kids have a lot of needs, one of the most prominent and often overlooked needs, in my opinion, is the need for kids to not be rushed.  This is something I have believed since long before having kids, and something that has only been reinforced during my short stint as a mother.
This past fall, our schedule went as follows:  On Monday mornings, my two middle children participated in a catechism class called “Atrium,” which lasts for an hour and a half.  On Wednesday mornings, my oldest had piano lessons.  On Thursday mornings, my son had speech, and every other Friday morning we had our homeschool co-op.  This meant that every other week we were leaving the house by 9:30 at the latest, usually by 8:45.  I have been particularly sick with this pregnancy, an unfortunate fact that added a whole new level of chaos to the epic event that is getting us out the door at anytime, let alone in the morning.  More often than not, I left the one year old in his pjs and gave him a cup of cheerios in the car.  The stressful craziness drove me crazy, and I was so relieved when Christmas break came — two whole weeks without activities!  The kids immediately adapted, and the calmness that descended on our days was incredible.  We were able to eat breakfast without me yelling, “Hurry!  Five minutes!  Where are your boots?!  Get in the car!”  I could see the difference in my kids, both in their relief over not being rushed and in the luxury of being able to play our days away, baking treats, doing school after breakfast instead of squeezing it in in the car and after dinner, and snuggling up to read some good books.
These are all things that are a priority for our family, and being able to actualize them was pure bliss.  The new year began, and the chaos started all over again, many days leaving me in frustrated tears over the amount of effort it took to maintain our schedule, often wondering if it was worth it.  Then, two weeks into the year, my son’s speech teacher told me that he was doing well, and she wanted him to take a break until summer.  I literally almost cried and refrained from hugging her.  We have been on winter break from our co-op, meaning that we’ve only had to leave the house on Mondays and Wednesdays these past few weeks, which has been amazing.  The kids are thriving and love the more relaxed pace.  They’ve built forts and played a random game I can only describe as “Find Where I Hid the Potato” for hours on end.
It has reminded me all over again of the importance of slowing down and trying to keep a balance between home and activities.  From the time we were married, my husband and I vowed that we would never be a family who didn’t eat dinner together because our kids had hockey practice.  The value of children being home with their families is so undervalued today, and it is one of the reasons we chose to homeschool.  While some business is inevitable, particularly as our family grows, we are determined to keep some level of calm and peace.  In truth, I am amazed at how difficult this is because there are so many neat opportunities for kids.  But when I think back to my childhood, growing up with a SAHM and younger brother, I never remember being rushed.  I’m sure we were at times, but most of my memories consist of playing/reading books while my mom sewed clothing in the morning and going to the park/zoo/etc. in the afternoon.  My brother and I would play in our backyard and sandbox for hours on end.  I don’t know that they did so intentionally, but my parents did an amazing job of not overscheduling us and letting us just be.  This is something I have come to be so grateful for and that I want for my own kids to experience.
My husband and I have had many conversations about our level of business and the amount of stress it inflicts on both myself and the kids.  We’ve agreed that two days a week is really the maximum amount of “outside activities” the kids and I can handle, at least at this point in our lives, and we are keeping this at the forefront of our minds as we plan for next year.  While it’s tempting to participate in as many good things as we can, we’ve realized that each good thing comes with a price.
I want the kids to find Mr. Rogers’ pace of life normal, not boring.  I want them to think that standing around visiting with neighbors for an hour is normal, not a waste of time.  I want them to realize the value in simply being.  Slowing down is indeed an art that needs to be deliberately practiced, but it is one whose value is priceless.
photo credit: hammock via photopin (license)