Every parent has those moments. Moments when you think you are alone. Moments when it feels like you you are the only one that has gone through that one crazy moment. There are times when you might ask yourself, “Oh no!! Am I ruining my child?”, “Oh my goodness, I hope people don’t think I taught him that.”, “Ha!! My kid is funny!!”, or “Where does she come up with this stuff?”
If there is one thing that every parent should know, it’s that you are never alone. I honestly don’t think there is anything new under the sun when it comes to parenting. Maybe the narative is different but the scenerios never change. So,don’t fret!! We have all been there. The best part about parenting is the built in comedy. Situations that may seem horrifying at the time will become your best and funniest stories later on.
Here are 25 moments the the women of The Guiding Star Project and I put together to remind us that parenting is the greatest comedy adventure you will ever have.
1. When a routine diaper change turns into a bath for all involved and an impromptu laundry day.
2. When the child you are frantically looking for is in your arms.
3. When you wake up in a panic because your infant slept 1 hour longer than usual. (Attempts to check breathing without waking the baby up.)
4. You’re driving and suddenly get the feeling that you forgot to load up one of the kids. (But they are all there.)
5. Those rare nights when all the kids are in bed and you aren’t too tired to be intimate…
6. Then, one of them wakes up and catches you in the act.
7. When you pretend to sleep in hopes that your spouse will get up with the baby.
8. The first time your kid says a cuss word is in public and usually in front of the most judgey people you know.
9. You contemplate throwing away a baby outfit because that blowout was just too nasty.
10. The first time your kid doesn’t cry when you leave and it breaks your heart. “Why doesn’t he miss me?”
11. That time you were done breastfeeding and you put everything away…except for your breast.
12. When you finally have a kid free trip to the grocery store and you realize a block away that you’ve been listening to Veggie Tales the entire time.
13. When your toddler is eating cheerios that he spilled under the table 3 days ago and you’re just happy he’s eating.
14. When your girl is so excited to learn to count but always starts by lifting up her middle finger in a prolonged “one”….and she’s just so darned proud of it.
15. Those times you have to take your kid into a public bathroom and the commentary starts: “Are you pooping?” “You didn’t tell me you had to go poop!” “Are you almost done pooping?”
16. When you panic because you think you forgot to drop off a child at an activity and then panic because you think you forgot to pick up another child from their own activity.
17. When you automatically drive to school or church or the grocery store and realize that’s NOT where you’re supposed to be only after you park.
18. When you fall asleep on the couch before your kids are in bed.
19. When even making cereal for supper seems exhausting.
20. When you start crying because even though you couldn’t wait to be ‘done’ with diapers, now that you are, you miss having little ones.
21. When someone makes a snarky comment about you having too many kids in public and you think of of the perfect come back… 20 minutes later in the car.
22. When your kids know just a little too much about breastfeeding. You find yourself walking by the bra section in a store and they loudly proclaim, “Wow dad!!!! Look at ALL those milk covers!”
23. When your kid says the most awkward things as you drop them off at daycare: “Don’t worry. I will not bite, and I will not say penis.”
24. When your kids choose the quietest moments to yell out embarrassing things, like, “I fink that man has a baby in his belly!!”
25. When you go through every name you know, including the pets, before you finally match the right name to the right kid.
“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
― P.J. O’Rourke
Maybe the time you are in line at your NEW parish’s fish fry when you are ready to have a baby soon and trying to entertain your 4 & 2 year old sons. The 2 year old is trying to get the attention of the elderly lady in front of you in line and she won’t look at him so he kicks her in the shin to get her attention. Unfortunately it worked too well and she screamed out loud and kept talking about it very loudly.
I don’t have children, but I have friends who do. This is hilarious!
Potty training my 2 year old daughter was not only challenging, but, ahem… humbling at times. We’re at customer service at Target with the bathrooms not far. While we’re waiting at customer service and a man walks out of the bathroom. My dear 2 year old daughter has only 1 volume, loud. She says with a very serious look on her face, “di he poop?! Di he poop mom?!” Stunned and embarrassed I trying to explain quietetly we don’t need to yell. The man heard my curious daughter and gave me a dirty look. *forehead smack*
I would have answered her question. Kids are too funny.
First time you take your child into the main church service instead of in the nursery, and during a quiet time, he says,VERY LOUD, Dad, do we get our money back if we don’t like the show?as you attempt to slide out of the pew to the floor.
Mother of 2 grown children and grandmother of 4 grandkids — this was hilarious! I have “been there, done that” on many occasion. When my kids were young, we were trying to teach them about being quiet in Church; our daughter, the older of the two, had been taken from the service on a number of occasions, disciplined and brought back. One Sunday our youngest, then an infant, started to fuss during the Church service. Their Dad picked him up and started to leave the pew and head for the cry room. Our daughter, about 3 1/2, became very agitated, then started to cry loudly, thinking her little baby brother was going to get a swat on the behind. I was trying to bustle her out of the pew and head for the cry room as well, when she spread eagled herself at the end of the pew and said very loudly “Please don’t beat me, Mommy!” Thank goodness our Pastor and the Congregation had a sense of humor. I was hoping the floor would open up and swallow me when it happened.