Comparison and competition.
Everywhere you look there is comparison and competition. People are competing for your money, your time, your efforts. Comparison in the form of “Mommy Wars” are at a high, I’ve even heard other ladies say that they really can’t trust their “best friends” because at some point they are going to just stab them in the back or that they are “too pretty” to be real friends.
(For what it’s worth, those folks may want to re-examine the definition of the words: Best and Friends.)
For years I would find myself engaged in this cycle of imaginary competition and comparison with other women. I would look at them and see nothing but perfection. I would see their efforts and their results and I felt I would never measure up to them. Therefore, I would secretly despise everything about them and mentally tear them to pieces. I would remind myself why my methods were better than theirs, why I would be superior in the end.
I felt that, as long as I could find some fault with someone else, I could convince myself that I was better (and therefore more worthy) than they.
At the root of all of this envy, boasting, pride was one word:
Insecurity.
I was so insecure of who I was: as a woman, as a wife, as a mother. So insecure that I expected, at some point, someone was going to rip the veil off and expose me for the fraud that I was. That was how deeply rooted my insecurity was. Here’s the thing about insecurity: it robs you of the chance to grow. You end up being stuck in the cycle of competition and comparison, and end up unhappier than ever.
The good news is that there is a simple solution to this unhappiness.
Love and Kindness.
Love involves the difficult act of waiting while kindness involves meeting another’s need. When you take the time to give up your way to meet another’s need, you are acting in love and kindness. When you make little sacrifices for the good of another, you are acting in love and kindness. When you choose to stop finishing another’s sentences and begin waiting for them to complete a full thought, you are acting in love and kindness. When you choose to lift another up rather than tearing her down, you are acting in love and kindness.
By reframing and choosing to act in love and kindness, I found that I was no longer comparing myself to others. I really wanted happiness for them and I wanted to help them achieve that happiness. Do I still feel little stabs of envy from time to time? You betcha, after all, I’m only human. But I make the choice to acknowledge those emotions, learn from them and respond in love and kindness.
“That best portion of a good man’s life, his little, nameless unremembered acts of kindness and love.”- William Wordsworth
Image by Paul Proshin via Unsplash
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