*One of the greatest things that makes our lives easier is the gift of technology. While our female bodies have worked the same way for centuries, technology has given us greater understanding how they work, using natural knowledge to give us answers and clues to the process within. The ability to share information so easily has educated an entire generation how to live healthier.
Around the time I was married and had my first child, the concept of Natural Living was gaining momentum among my peers. Facebook, online groups, and websites helped novice mothers navigate their way through the best brands of cloth diapers, and what solids to introduce to our babies. Finding recipes to make safer cleaning products, and sneaking vegetables into kid-friendly recipes were only an internet search away.
Then, the deeper mothers delved, the more controversial topics became. Some decided not to vaccinate, others forwent circumcision. Nearly every mother I encountered was either co-sleeping or baby-wearing.  Ears perked when a mother had something to say about the latest device that allowed us to practice these natural parenting techniques more easily.
All too soon a disturbing trend began to emerge.  While I was still Googling how to make  my own baby food, there were some taking natural living to an extreme. Instead of using the knowledge of natural living to help women and their families live healthier lives, being “natural” became a competition of who could live the crunchiest lifestyle.   Instead of empowering other mothers and encouraging them in their innate ability to care for their children, mothers became judgmental and instead of finding their identity in their femininity and their intrinsic feminine genius, they sought their identities in living a crunchy lifestyle, sometimes to the extreme.  Thus began the “Crunchy Wars” and sadly, they entirely missed the mark.
Technology has afforded access to knowledge on how to live healthier, and the culture is growing more aware. While I might not grind my own wheat berries to bake my own bread, at least I have the tools needed to identify what grocery store breads are the most nourishing. I can identify troubling ingredients on food labels, and slowly try to convince myself how much I like yogurt (I don’t, but wish I did.  It’s good for you, right?) Do I do these things out of pressure or because I feel the need to “prove” myself – to show the  world that YES!  I DO have what it takes to be a good mom – see all the organic veggies I have  in my cart? Not anymore. Once I thought being a good wife and mother meant never cooking a frozen pizza or giving my feverish teether Motrin, but time and confidence have given me a new perspective.  It is THIS that makes me a good mom – striving, trying, working to provide the healthiest, safest, most nurturing environment I am able for my children.  Educating myself and then making the best decisions based upon my family’s circumstances. Comparing myself to other moms is pointless.  I have, by nature of my very identity as a woman, the ability and the power to care for my children.  I don’t need to prove it, or to enter into an internet discussion over the merits of “child-wearing into the teen years.”  (OK that was a bit of an exaggeration).
This is a difficult and very narrow road for us moms to walk.  How do we make healthy choices for our children in an often-times unhealthy world?  Every mom has a different solution.  Some may choose to not eat out, and when sending children on a play date they may just pack snacks to share.  Others may make a “play date only” rule for certain food items.  Some moms I know bring their own natural disinfectant and spray down toys that teething toddlers may chew.  The key is to respect each mother and her choices, while recognizing that she is doing her best to give her children a healthy start in life.  Of course the other side of the coin is for mothers to be sensitive to not hurting the feelings of their hosts, friends or families.  The last thing you want is Aunt Mary thinking you believe she is a slob simply because you rinsed off some of her old baby toys with Tea Tree Oil before giving them to your 18 month old!  Most importantly, we need to be sure we are doing these things for the right reasons.
If we are living a Natural Lifestyle because we need validation, or we want to be able to look down on those who don’t then we need to do some soul searching.  This attitude isn’t healthy and will do more harm than good to us and our children.  No one will argue the benefits of healthy living, but there is a price to pay in our relationships when taken to an extreme. We should be able to mother alongside vaccinating and non-vaccinating parents, placenta planters and bottle feeders. Mothering takes many forms, but perhaps we should remember to always “mother the Mother.”  Natural Living can become a kind of idol, its very own Golden Calf, when it is used to fill the void that our confidence in our feminine gift of motherhood is supposed to fill; and like all idols, it will never fully satisfy.
So let’s eat more leafy greens, and try to prevent illness through better nutrition; educating ourselves first, and curious others second.  Let’s keep learning about our ability to Mother, while we research amber teething necklaces and homemade soap, and offer a sympathetic ear to our neighbor whose baby won’t sleep at night. Let’s be as crunchy as we are comfortable being and empower each other as we use the information at our fingertips to constantly refine how we care for our children. Let’s find confidence in the fact that we were MADE to Mother, and that there is no need for us to worship at the altar of the Golden Calf – even if it is grass-fed and free range!
**this post was co-authored by Laura Ricketts