Is Choice All That Matters?

I observed a few heated internet exchanges recently between those who consider themselves Feminists and those they perceived as “anti-woman”. Most recently, the topic was egg and sperm donation. One person (who is male) stated that egg donation exploits the donor. The person whom he was speaking with (a woman) then accused him of sexism because he feels that egg donation exploits women, but he didn’t mention sperm donation. She stated that this omission was “telling”. She became quite angry when he pointed out that, while he felt it was not ethical for either sex, the level of exploitation is quite a bit higher for females than for males. Egg donors put themselves at risk of stroke, organ failure, infection, cancer, loss of future fertility, and in rare cases, even death. Sperm donors on the other hand, masturbate into a cup while they look at porn. Although porn-viewing has its own risks, the “choice” to donate gametes is by no means equal for each sex.
In the exchange that I witnessed, pointing out these inherent inequalities however, seemed to fall on deaf ears. The woman seemed to have an attitude of “If men do it, then women will do it too, damn it!” Merely observing the fact that the choice is not equal for males and females merited the label of “sexist”. I chose not to enter the argument because I didn’t think it would do any good, but as I observed her contempt for the man she was arguing with, I wondered what beliefs she held that were fueling her anger.
Of course I have observed other similar exchanges on other issues related to women and reproduction, particularly the issues of birth control and abortion. I’ve heard some assert, “Men can have sex and not worry about getting pregnant and now with birth control women can too.” They overlook the fact though, that when men have sex and not get pregnant, they don’t have to alter their systemic functioning. They don’t have to insert devices into their most private and intimate orifice to render a healthy organ non-functional. They don’t have to take a birth control pill that changes 150 chemical processes in their bodies and is a group one carcinogen. Men don’t have to do any of that. Only women do. So do abortion and birth control really make us equal?
I’ve heard that statement so many times. People say it without thinking. They praise the advent of birth control because it allows women to “be equal” to men, which basically implies that we are not equal as we are. If we alter ourselves radically however, then we can be equal. It’s like they hold up the masculine way of existing as the model to which we should all strive to emulate. I think this belief is at the root of some of the anger over employer-bought birth control. Women must have access to birth control, goes the thinking, because if we don’t have that we won’t be equal to men. I don’t think feminism is the proper word for such a belief. To me, that actually sounds like self-hate. I believe that I am equal now. I believe that I should be able to pursue my dreams as a fully-functioning woman, a woman who menstruates, ovulates, and at times births and lactates. To say that women are not equal unless we change ourselves is misogyny, and to me, the women who claim this are exhibiting signs of colonization, that is, adopting the viewpoint of one’s rulers and seeing your own value as inferior to the ruling group.
But in so many discussions that I’ve witnessed and have been a part of, a basic assumption by those who consider themselves to be Pro-Choice is that choice equals empowerment. Does it though? Does choice empower even when the choice is coerced? Even when the choice is made in desperation due to lack of awareness or availability of other options? Even if that choice is made from faulty assumptions or beliefs?
People make unhealthy choices all the time. People choose to stay in abusive relationships. People choose to drink too much and to do drugs. I used to choose to cut myself. But I wouldn’t pretend for a moment that that choice was somehow empowering to me. And I sure wouldn’t call that choice “feminism”.
I think women deserve better choices. Rather than choosing between the life of their child and their career and education goals, they should be able to choose both. Instead of having to choose between their physical health and being able to plan their family size, they should be able to choose both. Instead of having to choose between strong connections with their family members or advancing in their career, employers should encourage a healthy work-life balance so their employees can choose both. In these instances and in so many ways, simply having to make certain “choices” reveals a lack of empowerment.

For the question remains, do women want an abortion? Not like she wants a Porsche or an ice-cream cone. Like an animal caught in a trap, trying to gnaw off its own leg, a woman who seeks an abortion is trying to escape a desperate situation by an act of violence and self-loss. Abortion is not a sign that women are free, but a sign that they are desperate. – Frederica Matthewes-Green, Feminists For Life

 
Links: Eggsploitation documentary