Since I started writing and blogging, a comment I get pretty often is, “It’s great to hear/read a man’s point of view about that.” It’s usually in regards to me talking about topics that are almost exclusively related to “women’s issues”. So, I figured why not open up my Facebook page to a few questions that people might like to get a man’s perspective on? The response was great and here are three of the best questions I got. I enjoyed answering them and I was barely able to scratch the surface on each topic. So let’s see how this goes and get the conversation started.
 
With borderline pornographic content being pretty much everywhere you turn, how do you, as a dad, feel people should address this issue with children? – Amelia
It really is everywhere isn’t it? I am not willing to lock up my family and avoid the rest of the world, so navigating all the flesh for the purpose of advertising can be tricky. It’s hard to get to the baby food and diapers at Target without having to walk through the lingerie section filled with pictures of women in their underwear. (And seriously, why does any kind of underwear need advertising? Either you need it or you don’t. And why do I care what it looks like on someone else’s body?)
The first place I think a family should start is controlling what comes in and out of the house. Check the mail for inappropriate adds and trash them. If you don’t like the commercials that come on TV, fast forward or get rid of cable. I think if you set a standard of modesty in the home, then it will be much easier to define what is and isn’t pornography. Eventually, kids are going to start noticing things. You just have to be ready to start answering questions as honestly as possible. I think avoiding it is a mistake.
What would you say to women who are insecure about their bodies (overweight, underweight, surgical scars, anything), especially when we’re bombarded by magazines at the checkout counter featuring “perfect” women on every cover? As a woman who has struggled with body image for as long as I can remember, and as a mother of a 2-year old girl, the absolute last thing I want to do is pass on my insecurities to my child. – Marisa
Marisa, I think about this every day. I could probably write for days on this one. I have the same fear for my 8 year old daughter, and there is nothing more frustrating than when my wife pinches some part of her body and says,”Ugh, this is gross.” I don’t want anyone talking about my wife that way, including my wife. I am 100% in love with every square inch of her body. Every mark, every scar, every blemish, every sag, and all the “baby weight” that comes with. There have been times when she mentions a tummy tuck, and it makes me sad. It’s like cutting off a a visual reminder of our history. I hate to be so corny, but I really like looking at her body and knowing that my kids came from her. I also look forward to her getting grey hair and wrinkles. Something tells me I will always find her just a sexy and attractive as I did when we first got married. All I want for my wife and kids is that they feel confident and healthy. If she wants to work out, eat better, and get in shape, I support that. If she wants to binge on pizza and donuts for a couple days while lying in bed, I support that too. The problem I think most men run into, is that no matter what we say, most people are just not happy with the appearance of their bodies. If I ever figure out the magic formula on how to fix that, I will market it and become a bazilionaire.
When I first came home to my husband explaining why I wanted to practice NFP, he wasn’t thrilled. He tolerates it now, but does not participate in charting, etc. How do you and Abby deal with NFP? Are you an active participant? If you do actively participate with charting, do you have any ideas of ways to get my hubby more involved, aside from asking me, “can you, or can’t you tonight?” – Melissa
Ok, great question. It’s so good that I recruited the help of some of the other couples I know that practice NFP to help me answer it.
For me, my wife and I have a difficult time with charting. I was on board and supportive from the get go. When we first started, I was excited that she wasn’t going to have to put harmful medicines in her body anymore. I was even more excited about our new openness to life. Our problem is that she travels a lot, making my participation difficult. I know how to read the chart for the most part, and we also use a a fertility monitor that I can look at if I want to know if she is fertile. It’s a tad more romantic than asking if it’s “go time.” So, being that our situation is pretty unique, and every couple is different…
Here are some of the other responses to your question:
I chart and let him know where we are at. I don’t feel any need to have him chart for me to be more involved and he doesn’t make me feel like the gatekeeper even when asking where we are at, so it works well for us. I also get migraines around ovulation and menstruation so he knows that’s something to watch for and try and be preventative about too. As an instructor I think him going through the class and understanding is important so if I am unsure, he’s an active part of clarifying etc. It’s not just up to the woman to be confident and then take the blame if they get pregnant unexpectedly and he’s upset about it. 
I think it’s important to note the difference between the attitude towards charting vs willingness to discuss it and being helpful and supportive of the method. My husband does not like discussing my cycle or have an interest in passing the pencil to me as I chart. It’s uncomfortable and even a bit gross to him (at least it was when we first started.) It takes time for it to become something beautiful. That said, he is still very good about asking how charting is going. It also helps that he is extremely observant and perceptive so he often knows when shifts have happened before I even do or before I have been able to tell him. He’s really good about being more helpful when I’m PMS’ing and offering other forms of intimacy when we’re avoiding pregnancy. One idea I’ve heard my sister and friends do is to post their charts on the mirror or in a drawer where their husbands can look at it easily. My sister’s husband likes that approach because then he doesn’t have to ask and make her feel like it’s her burden.
My husband charts for me. I observe and each night he charts my observations. When we learned NFP, the man (we learned from a couple) said to my husband, “Now, women are more…amorous…during their fertile phase, so it’s going to be your responsibility to say no during that phase if you guys have decided to postpone pregnancy.” My husband has always taken that very seriously and…well, tells me no. He says, “It’s my job to tell you no.” And recently, I’ve been trying to grow in the fact that if postponing is our mutual decision, it shouldn’t be all on his shoulders to say no. We should both commit, as in, me too…even when I’m fertile.