2175219048_b870bc2551_oOctober is filled with a veritable rainbow of awareness causes, including one that is particularly near and dear to my heart: Domestic Violence Awareness.
In past years, I have written about  domestic violence as it relates to pregnancy  and support for survivors. This year, I would like to take the opportunity to discuss how sexual violence can play a particularly brutal role in Intimate Partner Violence (IPV).
When we hear the term ‘sexual assault’, we often think of the perpetrator as a stranger.  It is easy to imagine that a crime as devastating as rape could only be commited by some sinister figure lurking around the corner. However,  statistically, that is not the case.
Perpetrators of Intimate Partner Violence seek to exercise complete control over their victims, often using forced sexual acts, such as forced intercourse, to gain that control. 
But one thing that cannot be stressed enough is this: Consent to a marital or romantic relationship does not grant blanket consent for sex.
Abusers will exploit every opportunity to gain control. There are many ways they will attempt to justify sexual assault.

  • Asserting male privilege (simply their assertion that men are superior to women)
  • Misinterpretating  religious teachings 
  • Claiming that sex is owed to them
  • Invoking the marital contract
  • Arguing that they cannot control their actions

Victims of IPV might feel as if the sexual assault “doesn’t count”.  There are many reasons for this.   Sexual violence is often only part of a tangled web of abuse, and many victims feel an ever-present threat of looming violence. This makes consenting under duress a more appealing option than the consequences of resisting. This is still assault. A consensual sexual encounter requires two willing participants with no strings attached.
One type of Intimate Partner Abuse is known as ‘reproductive abuse.’ Reproductive abuse occurs when an abuser controls their partner by using the body’s natural reproductive function to assert their dominance. Some examples of this include:

  • intentionally trying to achieve pregnancy against their partner’s will
  • intentionally trying to terminate a pregnancy against their partner’s will
  • sabotaging birth control or natural family planning methods
  • forcing their partner to submit to sterilization

It is important to recognize that the victims of IPV have been made to believe that the only support they will ever know is what the abuser has to offer them. Sometimes this leads to decisions and coping strategies that outsiders can find difficult to understand.
Reproductive abuse is real, and IPV victims live that reality. IPV truly terrorizes the victims by taking the most intimate and precious of things (love, comfort, vulnerability, child-bearing) and twisting them to extort and manipulate.
Intimate Partner Violence is devastatingly isolating. If you are experiencing IPV, you are not alone. The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 1-800-787-3224, or you can visit the website at this link for more information.
If someone you know is experiencing intimate partner violence, you can let them know they can trust you to support them. Tell them the following:

  • I am afraid for you.
  • I am afraid for your children.
  • I am here to support you.
  • You do not deserve to be abused.

For more information on how to support survivors, please visit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) website.