Sometimes Natural Family Planning (“NFP”) is just too hard.
Maybe you’re avoiding pregnancy and your fertile time aligns with your wedding anniversary (or worse, your wedding itself…). Maybe you’re breastfeeding and your postpartum cycles are so confusing that you have to switch methods when you don’t even have enough energy to take a shower. Or maybe you’re just plain tired of the way your friends, family, and doctors ridicule you for living such a counter-cultural lifestyle.
When NFP is just too hard, what keeps you going?
Do you try to survive on motivation by fear?
Perhaps you focus on your fears of artificial birth control’s harmful physical side effects and negative impact on our environment. Perhaps you concentrate on your fear of the risk of future infertility or the mental struggles you suffered when you used artificial birth control.
Of course, fear of physical illness, infertility, mental struggles, and harming our environment often plays a large role in our decision to use NFP. But if you’re primarily motivated by fear, it’s unlikely that you will survive long.
So is NFP just too hard?
Let us not forget: love is much stronger than fear. Perhaps exchange motivation by fear for motivation by love. Focus on love for your body and love for your spouse. Ponder love for nature and, if you are a person of faith, love for your Creator.
NFP teaches us how to transform our negative motivations into positive ones. NFP transforms our fear of future infertility into gratitude for each of our body’s natural abilities. It also transforms our fear of the horrific side effects of artificial birth control into love for the information we have been taught that so many people still do not know.
Of course, artificial birth control is dangerous and negative motivations will always play at least a small role in our journeys, but we must remember that love also needs a seat at the table.
Some days, NFP is a breeze- an easy, beautiful, wonderful journey that we are proud to travel. Other days, NFP is just too hard… frankly, it’s almost impossible. But what’s the key word here? Almost. It’s not impossible, even when you are daydreaming about burning your chart, deleting your app, and using the ladies’ room without having to make any observations. We all do.
When NFP is just too hard, how does love motivate you to persevere?
I have four young children and both my husband and I agree that another baby at this point is not in anyone’s best interest physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We are both practicing Catholics and both agree that artificial contraception is not of God and believe in what the church teaches regarding this. We have both agreed to use the Billings Method to postpone pregnancy until we discern otherwise. However it is hard because my husband says the words but in action does not support this. I often feel like I am doing Billings when it should be we are doing Billings. He says very hurtful things when he comes onto me and I explain to him why we shouldn’t. He says things that outline me as selfish and ungrateful. It feels like a very lonely journey. I sometimes in the past have given in when I feel weak and that makes me feel bad. I honestly want the best for him and for me and I am very hurt by lust and feel strongly that NFP is God’s answer to rooting out lust in our marriage but it is quite lonely and painful.