Am I "Wearing The Pants?"

 
It was one of those typical nights. Just surfing the web as my kids were finally nodding off to sleep. Somehow, I came across a link that said “Do You Wear The Pants?” 
“Well, gosh, I don’t know. Maybe I need to find out,” I told myself as I clicked the link. 
So, what kind of article did I click on?  Apparently, someone had written 7 ways for a woman to know if she is wearing the pants in her relationship. 7 sure fire ways to know if she is the “reigning partner in the relationship.” It almost seemed by the intro, that there needs to be a domineering partner to every relationship. It also seemed to encourage women taking over that role as opposed to working toward equals.
After reading it, I wasn’t that impressed. There were a couple of things that didn’t bother me, and a few that did. I kept thinking, “I do some of these things, but by no means am I in a marriage where my wife wears the pants.” Let’s review the 7 signs, shall we?
He’s quick to apologize.

Is this really a bad thing? Maybe he is quick to screw up. I apologize as soon as I realize I am in the wrong. I do not apologize if I think I am right, and certainly not for the sake of ending an argument.
 
He dropped the “L” bomb first

Now, if you suspect that your guy has a habit of falling in  love quickly and has said this to a lot of women, I think that’s an issue. But, sometimes a man falls in love fast and knows what he wants. There is nothing wrong with coming out with it. I have always thought, when you know you know. Don’t waste time with dating rules. But, I would warn both men and women to beware the chronic casanova. They are usually just as good at breaking up as they are at starting relationships.
 
Your friends are now his friends.

I am not sure I care about this one. Yeah, a guy should have his own friends, but maybe he’s not very good at making friends. Maybe he really connects with your friends. Either way, who cares?
 
You bring home the bacon.

This is the one that bothers me the most. Why? Because I wasn’t raised to care who made the most money. I was brought up to work hard and provide for my family. There was maybe one year that I made more than my wife. She was pregnant with our first and I was working at 3 jobs. Soon after she had our first kiddo, she started getting promoted and went down to 1 job. Even now, she works and I stay home with our 5 kids. Being a stay at home dad, I may not make a dime at what I do, but you better believe I work hard and I provide for my family. So to say I don’t wear the pants because or I am less of a man based on the amount of money I bring home, well that’s just insulting and a dated way of thinking.
 
You chose.

As in, you chose the places to eat, the movie, activities for the day, or whatever. I don’t know that this is a sign of anything. Some people, guys and gals, truly just don’t care. Or consider this… One person in the relationship is a picky eater and hard to please. The other person loves to eat anywhere and is up for anything. What’s wrong with one person taking  backseat to make the other person happy?
 
He’s quick to tears.

“If your man is quick to cry at a sappy movie, or when he sees a baby, you can be pretty sure you are playing the “man” role in the relationship.”  Well that’s just ridiculous. Some men are just in touch with their emotions. By the way, becoming a dad made me a more emotional person. Yes there are certain songs, movies, and moments that make me tear up a bit. When my little sister told me she was pregnant with her first child, I cried. I ugly cried when our adopted son was born and I couldn’t be there for it. Pretty much any country song about daddies and daughters gets turned off by me so I won’t drown myself in tears. No shame here. If that gets my “Man-Card” revoked, then so be it. I didn’t need it to be a good husband and father anyway.
 
He asks for permission. 

What is so wrong with being polite? Isn’t it just courteous to make sure your plans aren’t an inconvenience to the important people in your life? Who knows, maybe the other person had other plans.I have no issues with making sure my plans to have a beer with my buddies isn’t going to be a huge burden on my wife. And you know what? She has never told me I can’t go. It’s just a respect thing.
In conclusion, this is what reading the whole article had me thinking. Why are we still talking like this? Why aren’t we talking about how to be ourselves in a marriage? Does someone have to be in charge? My wife says I am the leader of our family, but that doesn’t mean I rule the house. Actually, she has the more dominant personality, where I am more laid back. We know each other’s weaknesses and strengths and we build each other up. We don’t talk about who wears the pants, because frankly, our family is a team effort. We are available andin service to each other. There is no “boss” of the house. As far as our kids are concerned, we are both the boss. So don’t worry so much about who wears the pants in your relationship. Worry more about how you can make each other better so your relationship can be stronger.