The new year is here and with it the many reduced gym and fitness memberships, the weight-loss pill advertisements, and the numerous articles addressed to getting fit in magazines, blogs, and morning shows. Of course, being healthy is important,  but it seems often the emphasis is less about respecting one’s body and more about hounding women even more to live up to society’s impossible standard of beauty.  Implicit in a lot of encouragement to “get fit” is the assumption that, for women, sexiness equals power.

Of course some women buy into this. They dress and act sexily and having the power to turn men’s heads, even if not long term, makes them feel powerful. I remember being flirty, dressing in clothes just a little too tight, and feeling the same way. Now, I look at things differently. Simply having the power to pique someone’s waning interest isn’t the same kind of power as one holds who has the respect of others.

I think we’ve all had the experience of being around that person who is trying just a little bit too hard. They try a bit too hard to fit in, to be liked, to be one of the group. Such people don’t command respect; people pity them and feel sorry for them. Such people reveal their desperation.

I wonder if women trying too hard to look flawless give the same message. Maybe they look sexy; maybe people turn their heads, but do they really reveal confidence? Sure they have confidence in the way they look, but do they have confidence in their value as a person? For myself, when I used to place excessive importance on the way I looked, the answer was no.

I feel that refusing to listen to society’s pressure to look a certain way is to assert my value as a person; I am not an object, and therefore will not behave like one. I recognize that developing and using my talents and my intellect is more important than how I look. Although there is great pressure to spend all of one’s time and money on looking good, women’s time is too valuable for this, and their talents too needed to let them go to waste. Although I feel that caring for one’s appearance is part of showing respect for oneself, it’s important to keep it in perspective.
Instead of buying into the lie that we are only as valuable as the number on some subjective and nebulous “sexiness” scale, we could take steps to respect and honor the dignity that is already ours. Maybe we can ask ourselves if there are any behaviors we can change that will communicate our great dignity to ourselves and others? Here are some questions to get us started:

  • Does the way I dress reflect my worth?
  • Does the way I speak reflect my dignity?
  • Do I show respect for my body by eating healthy? By trying to get enough rest? By not smoking? By not drinking excessively?
  • Do I respect myself by developing my talents?

Perhaps many of you have already made your New Year’s Resolution, and maybe some of you have already broken them. I think it’s time for a different kind of resolution.