Ahhhhh . . . do you hear that? The sound of . . . well, not silence, exactly. I am currently typing this in the midst of seven kids five and under thundering up and down the stairs in a rather intense game of hide and seek. Though technically, the one month old and the six month old aren’t participating, mostly for their own safety.
If you asked the kids, we’re “camping” with my parents and my brother’s family. In reality, we’ve rented a house in a state park for the weekend that my youth group used to rent in high school. To say they’re having fun would be an understatement. My kids have been looking forward to this since we planned it, but especially since their little brother arrived five weeks ago, as they knew they would have an entire weekend of extra attention from Nana and Bapa. Our house has an extra element of chaos these days, mostly due to continual nursing– I always forget how often newborns eat!
While it can be very easy to slip into “THE POOR KIDS! I HAVEN’T PLAYED WITH THEM AT ALL TODAY!” mode, I try hard to tame the hormones and remind myself that siblings are one of the best gifts I can give them. This has been evidenced over and over in the last five years, especially when the baby begins to smile and interact with the older kids. Though the world would (and does) ask, “How do you give them all the attention they need?” I know (for the most part, and pray on bad days!) that they are turning out fine and will be better off for growing up in a “big” family.
I’ve recently been discussing with friends who have kids in similar stages the benefits we’ve been noticing our kids are reaping, simply due to having more than one sibling. The most obvious is learning patience, on their part AND mine. Our oldest is five and fairly independent, but there are countless times each day when more than one person needs something, and a few times when all four simultaneously need something. I cannot tell you how many times a day my kids hear, “There is one mom and four kids, and you need to be patient for a moment.” It is a lesson even sweet Fulton is learning, as nursing “on demand” occasionally means nursing “in two minutes when I’m done changing your sister’s diaper.” In our world of immediate gratification, it is heartening to see them really starting to grasp the concept of patience. I will often overhear (from my eldest daughter, Mother Hen), “Augie, you need to hold on one minute . . . there’s only one mom!” My kids often preface their requests with, “Mom, when you have a second, could you please . . .”
In addition to patience, they are learning responsibility simply out of necessity. A prime example is laundry . . . oh, the laundry! Am I the only one who can be completely (okay, almost completely) caught up with the laundry in the morning and have two, sometimes three, loads to wash by mid afternoon? I have even entertained “charging” the kids a chore if they need a new outfit during the day to try to help curb the multiplying mound of clothes. Meanwhile, my five year old can fold any load of laundry, and my four year old is becoming quite adept at folding towels and pants, as well as matching our million socks.
Though some may think, “They’re not going to have a childhood!” I assure you they have hours upon hours to play. I am beginning to realize the unforeseen blessing of our large(ish) family making my kids better human beings. So many kids now are not held responsible for anything–chores, actions, etc., and though it might be “easier” (and often more efficient) for me to just do it myself, the kids know that I have more time to play when everyone is doing their part to help. Not only are they learning basic life skills at a young age, but I also can hear the pride in my daughter’s voice when I thank her for vacuuming our floors or folding a load of laundry–“No problem, Mom!”
When I was a sophomore in college, there was a woman on my floor whose mom would come once a week to clean her room and do her dishes. She literally came every week like clockwork. Loving our independence, my roommate and I couldn’t imagine having our mom come to do our dishes for us. That always stuck with me, and I vowed to do my very best to raise kids who were not entitled, despite the uphill battle it often is.
And of course this article would be remiss if I didn’t mention the biggest blessing of a “large” family–the gift of siblings. My kids always have a playmate. Their days are filled with endless games of make believe, soccer, and of course bickering. But I am finding that even the bickering is teaching them how to compromise and get along with people who don’t see the world the way they do.
These moments make me so thankful we have a “clump” of kids so close in age, despite the often-insane days. And, as I often tell people, “At least they’ll have each other when their mom goes crazy!”
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