I Had to Break Up with My OB

I had to break up with my OB.
It wasn’t her. Dr. J was absolutely fantastic. It was me. An ill-fated job transfer left me with the choice of flying to Houston for the delivery, or telling her we had to end things because long distance is difficult when it comes to obstetrics.
All (most) funny business aside, the relationship that is the most difficult to give up with every move my husband and I make, is the one that I have with my OBGYN. I have spent a good number of years with physicians that weren’t really interested in getting to the root cause of my infertility. When I found Dr. H, he was an OBGYN that not only wanted to help me find answers but also happily made copies of my NFP charts to collect more data. It was tough to let that go.
We were pregnant with our second oldest when our first cross-country move took place. I stayed with Dr. H through the first trimester and he was considerate enough to help me find an NFP-friendly OB in the new state.
I was nervous. I begged for medication refills and any other tips he could offer me, considering I would be a potential candidate for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). He helped me find Dr. L, which enabled me to receive the continuity of care that I needed and had never had before. I delivered successfully with Dr. L twice and watched his practice grow into an amazing NFP-centered practice. When it came time for another out of state move, Dr. L was enthusiastic in referring me to Dr. J, a physician he knew from an NFP training. I had not worked with a female OBGYN in years and had never worked with one that understood what I needed while being interested in NFP charting. I was wary, but trusted again in my physician’s referral because the care I had received from NFP-friendly doctors had always been exceptional. It meant that my goals and the goals of my doctor were aligned. It was one less thing to worry about in life.
When we found out we were pregnant again, it was joyful news. Dr. J and I were thick as thieves. She knew how my body worked and could help me figure out any new quirks that popped up. She didn’t mind when the kids had to come with me to an appointment. Dr. J had delivered my fourth baby and had since moved to a new hospital. This was a move that thrilled us both, and I was enthusiastic about the change. The sheer joy lasted only a few weeks. A job transfer meant that we would most likely be out of the state by my due date, so I would have to research and plan to find a new OB in the third trimester. It meant we knew we had to break up, but not yet.
Finding an OBGYN that was NFP-friendly proved to be a difficult task this time around; the closest one is two hours away. Dr. J, my OB soulmate, helped me figure out what was most important in my search. There is a nearby hospital with a baby-friendly designation, and for a gal about to embark on her fifth c-section, this is a big deal. The move meant that I had to choose between an NFP-friendly physician and a realistic delivery plan. As I have struggled in the past with quality OB care, I experienced some anxiety over what will happen come delivery time, so we decided that should take precedence for the immediate future.
My relationship with my new physician is pleasant. She has stayed the course of the prenatal care plan I have been following since the beginning of the pregnancy and has shown the care to listen to my concerns. I may not feel the same connection to her as I did with “the one who got away” Dr. J, but I feel well-cared for and optimistic about the delivery coming up in a few weeks.
Dr. J and I will stay friends. The first birth announcement I address will get sent to her office. When I see her name in the news, I will smile.
Breaking up is hard to do.